The parcel of wisdom that's been delivered to me over and over lately is this:
When I go around trying to change things, manipulating people and situations so that they come closer to what I feel they should be, or numbing myself to my feelings by drinking alcohol or watching too much TV, I become miserable and unhappy.
All of this self and other destructive behavior springs from having a stubborn blueprint, that I refuse to let go of, of what my life should be, instead of accepting my life as it is for the precious gift that it is.
In other words, I am comparing the life I have been given with the life I think I should have.
So this prayer, this urgent plea that has been asserting itself as a recitative in my day-to-day?:
God (or Inner Presence, or Great Spirit, or benevolent Creation) help me live this gift of life to the fullest. Help me to avoid the self-created madness and misery of my obsession with what "should" or "should not" be.
Thank you for my life, and my ever increasing clarity.
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A few years ago, second place in the National Spelling Bee was determined by the misspelling of the word, "Weltschmerz." Though not for the individual, perhaps the Germans have a word for this type of personal sadness.
ReplyDeleteSo close, and yet, so far.
ReplyDeleteI know that feeling.
Ah, those "shoulds." I fall prey to those too. And then I feel like I "shouldn't" feel the "shoulds." Alas, fighting shoulds with more shoulds doesn't help much either.
ReplyDeleteFortunately, I have a very short attention span. I can only get so self-critical before I realize I'm hungry or need to do laundry or have to pee or something and then I forget all about the shoulds.
So if prayer every fails, maybe try a large glass of water?
Crabby,
ReplyDeleteI love that!
Sometimes, I'm a bit too philospohical/intellectual about things, but the practical physical aspects you're talking about are really where the rubber meets the road.
Nitty gritty, here I come!