Ruth Trying Truth

My New Blog

2011-05-07T16:03:00.008-06:00

I have an awesome book group that I attend on Tuesdays. We read different spiritual texts, and try to gain some insight into them.

I've decided to start keeping a blog with my insights, etc., about each text. Hopefully, this will be of benefit to me and to others.

Please join me at my new blog:"The Way of Selflessness". (Title of blog is title of the next book we're reading by spiritual teacher and author Joel Morwood.)

swamp goddess

2011-04-06T18:59:00.001-06:00

no words
just primal screams

then whispers

thoughts wisp away

emptiness

nothingness

beautiful void

copyright: Ruth Powers-4-6-11

"Swamp Goddess", the term, is borrowed from author Anne Hillman.

Hope

2011-03-29T17:36:00.000-06:00

Hope

The tomb
in the dark
is the womb
of my heart.

copyright: Ruth Powers-3/29/11

Changes

2010-08-21T10:04:00.002-06:00

If anyone out there ever looks at this blog, you will notice that it's been quite some time since I have posted.

My writing well is dry, at the moment. And, instead of forcing anything on myself, I choose to give myself permission to change.

At this point, anything might happen. I might start writing again, at this blog. I might start a new blog. I really don't know.

Anyway, hope this vague blog post finds every one of you well and living the kind of life you want to live.

Until next time....

Fruitless Searches

2010-02-14T21:26:00.000-07:00

Free-verse. Rough draft. Strange for me. Don't really know where it came from.

Fruitless Searches

Culling the depths of self
Expecting to find the profound
Or at least
The unexpected...

Ah, the sting of expectations!
For what I found
Not profound,
But shallow, really,
The proverbial prodigal child
Cloaked in martyrdom,
but without a welcome home.

Much less than I had hoped,
But hope is like that--

Made of wishes,
Dashed by reality.

You are the Wide Opened

2010-01-17T08:16:00.000-07:00

Don’t go off sightseeing.

The real journey is right here.
The great excursion starts

from exactly where you are.
You are the world.

You have everything you need.
You are the secret.

You are the wide opened.
Don’t look for the remedy for your troubles
outside yourself.

You are the medicine.
You are the cure for your own sorrow.

~Rumi

A very rough Christmas poem

2009-12-24T09:01:00.000-07:00

Once upon a recent time,
I had no power to leave behind
The bleatings of my tortured mind--
The futile longing and the fears,
The weight of all the wasted years--
Lost in the corridor of doubt
It seemed that there was no way out.

But in my Spirit's darkest night,
Suddenly, there shone a Light.
Now here below, as is above,
All that exists is God's great Love.

Ruth Powers, 2009

Merry Christmas!

Through Subtle Veils

2009-12-16T20:15:00.002-07:00

Through Subtle Veils

A woman is God shining
through subtle veils,
haughty spirit astride
the elegant mare
of her body.
Loving her
you love spirit.

~Rumi

Translated by Daniel Liebert

Through Subtle Veils

2009-12-16T20:15:00.001-07:00

Through Subtle Veils

A woman is God shining
through subtle veils,
haughty spirit astride
the elegant mare
of her body.
Loving her
you love spirit.

~Rumi

Translated by Daniel Liebert

A Useful (IMHO) post on another blog

2009-12-05T08:35:00.006-07:00

Before I get into the promised useful post, let me preface it by saying that my first somewhat judgmental reaction to this article was that it is too "101" for me. Meaning, I regularly meditate, I've been on several silent retreats, I do a lot of non-fiction "spiritual" reading, etc., etc.

But then I kind of woke up from my self-righteous hazy dream-state, and realized that I have a serious tendency to overdo things. Good things, bad things, doesn't matter. And I've noticed that, when I'm able to avoid getting sucked into that whirlpool of an all or nothing mentality, I'm often able to achieve permanent and positive movement in my life experience. You know, baby steps. Feel free to be thinking, "Well, duh Ruth!"

Let me say that I found the last suggestion, "Read Fiction Before Bed" to not be useful for me personally. I used to be a voracious fiction reader (now, I've morphed into more of a non-fiction reader), and my issue with this suggestion is that either:

1) Said fiction is too stimulating, interesting, and I want to keep reading, and do so until way past the time I should be sleeping, kind of gummy-eyed and obsessive, OR...

2) I've either read the book a zillion times (thus it's not too engaging) or it's just boring, in which case, why am I reading it?

But this tip might work for the less obsessive folks out there with a more moderate nature.

And the other 5 tips were just peachy.

So, without further ado, here is a link to the article in its original habitat: Six Ways to Find Quiet During a Busy Day

And my properly credited and hopefully fully legal recopy below:

Six Ways to Find Quiet During a Busy Day, author Ali Hale

Do your days feel like a manic dash from start to end? Does it seem like, however hard you work, there’s always more to do? For many of us, that’s just how life seems to go. When we do take a break from the busyness, we start surfing the internet, watching television, listening to audio books or flicking through a magazine. We’re afraid that if we slow down, we’ll crash.

Recently, I went on a retreat for a weekend: I stayed with a Catholic community here in the English countryside, and spent most of two days in silence. It was an amazing opportunity to clear some space in the middle of a busy few weeks – and I came back feeling much less stressed, and much happier.

For most of us, though (me included!) it’s very difficult to find time to take a whole weekend, or even a whole day, out of our busy schedules. Plus, we can’t just save up our need for quiet and rest for one big session – we need little pockets of calm in each day.

Here are some things to try, throughout your day:

1. Eat Breakfast – Without Doing Anything Else at the Same Time
You’ve heard enough times that “breakfast is the most important meal of the day”. It’s not just a time for physical nourishment, though; you can use breakfast as a chance for a period of stillness and quiet, to put you in a good frame of mind for the day ahead.

If you typically eat breakfast while reading your email, flicking through a magazine, opening the mail or doing your homework, then try – for just three days – doing nothing except eating at breakfast time. You’ll be amazed how much more you appreciate and taste your food, and how much more relaxed you’ll feel.

(You might want to set your alarm ten minutes earlier, so that you can still fit in the rest of your morning routine.)

2. Take Two Minutes to Plan Your Morning
What’s the first thing you do when you start work for the day? I’d hazard a guess that you switch on your computer – perhaps even before you’ve taken off your jacket, or grabbed a coffee.

This week, when you sit down at your desk each day, take just two minutes to plan your morning. Grab a post-it note. Jot down three things that you want to get done before lunch. Ideally, pick tasks which involve creative energy, or ones which you’ve been putting off for a while.

Now put that post-it note somewhere prominent, like on your monitor, switch your computer on and get to work. Focus on getting those three things done.

3. Have a Five Minute Break at Lunch
Many of us grab lunch on the run, often eating at our desk, or with a group of colleagues. This week, take just five minutes during your lunch hour to sit quietly on your own. Close your eyes, and focus on your breathing. Don’t try to make your mind blank, just let your thoughts wander.

Five minutes is a tiny fraction of your day, but it’s surprising how long it feels when you’re simply sitting in silence.

If your office is noisy, busy or staffed with people who’re likely to throw things at you if you shut your eyes, then you might want to get outside to a local park (depending on the weather), sit in the break room, or even hide in the bathroom.

4. Take Two Minutes to Plan Your Afternoon
Lunch break’s over; back to work. What do you normally do straight after lunch? For many people, it’s checking emails. Instead of going straight to your inbox, take just two minutes to plan your afternoon.

Did you get the three tasks on your post-it note done during the morning? If not, carry them forwards into the afternoon. If you did, great! What other important things do you need to get done? Again, jot them down.

Some of us are morning people, and do our best creative work then – preferring to spend the afternoon on administrative or routine tasks. Other people pick up speed after lunch. Figure out what suits you best, and plan your day accordingly.

5. Have a Complete Rest When You Get Home
How often do you get home from work feeling frazzled, exhausted and irritable? Do you end up wasting time watching television shows that don’t really interest you, or surfing the internet just to unwind?

A faster and much more effective way to get yourself out of work mode and pick up your energy for the evening is simply to allow yourself a real break when you get home:

For the last year and a half of my previous job, this was my routine when I would arrive home from work. I would literally go in, lay down on the bed for about twenty minutes with my eyes closed, and think about nothing. I’d breathe in deeply, breathe out deeply and slowly, and just let my mind and body drift away. After twenty minutes, I would feel tremendously refreshed.

(Trent Hamm, What is Escapism? How Does it Cost Me? on The Simple Dollar)

If you’ve got a lot you want to do outside your work – perhaps studying, writing a novel, starting a side business – then you might feel like this is a “waste” of time. But if a complete twenty minute rest can buy you two or three hours of productivity (or relaxed, happy time with your family), isn’t that better than trying to push yourself straight into things in the evening ... only to end up tired and cranky, without anything accomplished?

6. Read Fiction Before Bed
Finally, at the end of the day, we need to find quiet in order to sleep – not just silence in the world outside us, but in the world inside. Many people find that an effective way to “switch off” from the worries and concerns of the day is to read fiction.

Try turning off the television or the computer at least half an hour before you want to go to sleep, and spend the remaining time reading a good book. Reading engages your imagination, and takes you out of your own world and concerns into someone else’s.

If you don’t like reading (or if you find it hard to focus in the evening) you could try 15 minutes of meditation or journaling, in order to work through any thoughts that are on your mind.

How do you find quiet and stillness in your day? When do you tend to get over-rushed and busy? Could just a few minutes of calm here and there make all the difference to your stress levels?

[Ali Hale] Written on 12/4/2009 by Ali Hale. Ali is a professional writer and blogger, and a part-time postgraduate student of creative writing. If you need a hand with any sort of written project, drop her a line (ali@aliventures.com) or check out her website at Aliventures.

Some Good News!

2009-11-30T19:36:00.000-07:00

If this is true, it's awesome news for me...

An Empty Mirror

An empty mirror and your worst destructive habits,
when they are held up to each other,
that's when the real making begins.
That's what art and crafting are.

A tailor needs a torn garment to practice his expertise.
The trunks of trees must be cut and cut again
so they can be used for fine carpentry.

Your doctor must have a broken leg to doctor.
Your defects are the ways that glory gets manifested.

~Rumi

Happy New Year!

2009-11-30T07:57:00.003-07:00

Every day is the beginning of a new year, right? Every day and every moment is a chance to start afresh.

I know that's a bit cliche, but it works for me.

Genesis

2009-11-08T15:43:00.004-07:00

Genesis

Sarah, saddened by her childless state
Demands that Hagar lie with Abraham.
In doing so, she moves the hand of fate–
Lives out the drama of the great “I AM”.

As Ishmael plays in the endless sand,
Sarah feels a stirring in her womb.
A miracle wrought by stern Yahweh’s hand
Brings more new life into the desert tomb.

But Sarah’s joy is overcome by greed.
She banishes her slaves into the wild.
Her heart is hardened by her driving need
To prove that Isaac is God’s favored child.

And in the desert now, as was before,
The sons of Abraham are waging war.

Ruth Powers, copyright 2004

Autumn Epitaph

2009-10-02T09:10:00.002-06:00

Autumn Epitaph

Yellow leaves,
frosty grass--
reminders that
this life
shall pass.

Ruth Powers, copyright 2009

Living the Life I Have

2009-09-15T06:43:00.003-06:00

The parcel of wisdom that's been delivered to me over and over lately is this:

When I go around trying to change things, manipulating people and situations so that they come closer to what I feel they should be, or numbing myself to my feelings by drinking alcohol or watching too much TV, I become miserable and unhappy.

All of this self and other destructive behavior springs from having a stubborn blueprint, that I refuse to let go of, of what my life should be, instead of accepting my life as it is for the precious gift that it is.

In other words, I am comparing the life I have been given with the life I think I should have.

So this prayer, this urgent plea that has been asserting itself as a recitative in my day-to-day?:

God (or Inner Presence, or Great Spirit, or benevolent Creation) help me live this gift of life to the fullest. Help me to avoid the self-created madness and misery of my obsession with what "should" or "should not" be.

Thank you for my life, and my ever increasing clarity.

Exorcism of the Whirling-Girl Dervish

2009-09-12T09:00:00.001-06:00

When pain and fear and sadness loom
and when I'm full of squeezing doom
and smothered by a heavy gloom,

To free me from the stain of sin
and loose the devil from within
when I'm possessed, I spin, spin, spin!

Ruth Powers, 2009

Yes, I know this poem is weird. I'm putting it out there anyhow.

Ignorance

2009-09-11T09:43:00.001-06:00

Ignorance

I've been exalted,
I've been battered,
been built up
and then been shattered.

Hard to believe
I still don't know
when I should cleave
or just
let
go.

Ruth Powers, 2009

Forgiveness

2009-09-04T08:13:00.003-06:00

"Forgiveness means not to mistake human unconsciousness for who that human being is.

The opposite of forgiveness is to make that mistake.

That is the true meaning of forgiveness.

It's all contained in the image of the cross and Jesus.

It contains so much wisdom.

And it's all contained in the last words of Jesus, which were: "Forgive them, for they know not what they do."

He did not make an identity for those people out of what they did to Him.

"They know not what they do", means in modern terminology: "They are unconscious."

So, if He had lived now, He probably would have said: "They are completely unconscious.

That's ok. They don't know." "

-Eckhart Tolle

As far as I'm concerned, that is the best definition;/explanation of forgiveness I've come across.

It brought to mind an acquaintance who hurt me recently. I've definitely been nursing a grudge towards this person. And furthermore, said person insists that he did nothing. Which infuriates my ego.

But in the light of this beautiful explanation of forgiveness, I found peace.

Your thought and reflections?

Inside/Outside, Outside/Inside

2009-09-02T10:47:00.004-06:00

Hello Readers,

I have a question for you:

In your experience, is it more effective to cultivate qualities of being from the inside/out, or from the outside/in?

Let me offer an example: acceptance.

The outside/in folk would say to cultivate acceptance of others, which would lead to a greater acceptance of self.

The inside/out folk would say to cultivate self-acceptance, which could then be extended to others.

Also, another question: do you think the answer to this question depends on whether or not the person in question is an introvert or an extrovert? Meaning, might an extrovert find it more effective to go about cultivation from the outside-in, and the introvert from the inside-out?

Please proffer your reflections--I'm eager to ponder your responses.

Oh, and thank you all for your kind comments; it feels right to be back. Perhaps I'll discuss my "retreat" (such as it was) in the future, but for now, what appeals to me more than that is to collect feedback on these questions from all of you.

Retreat

2009-06-28T12:51:00.003-06:00

Hello Readers, (You select group, you!)

Starting tomorrow, (Mon. 6-29), I will be taking sort of a "virtual silent retreat", if you will. I will not be posting on this blog, and I will not be commenting on other blogs. I will, however, still be following blogs.

It's becoming clear to me that what I would call "excessive talk" is a real stumbling-block in my experience.

However, I have to talk every day. My job necessitates that I talk. If I don't chat with my neighbors, there will be problems.

So the best I can do is ix-nay on the iscretionary-day alk-tay.

My intention is to zip my lips for the next 3 months or so.

Feel free to leave comments--I will read and most likely respond upon my return.

I will miss you all, and I will miss my blah-blah-blah, but this is going to be really good for me.

I'll let you know how it goes when I come back.

Mind the Gap? Yes, I Do.

2009-06-27T06:49:00.004-06:00

You may find my behavior rather odd,
But now, that I've discovered you are God
I've got to find a way to end this fraud--

To span this aching gap tween you and me.

It took awhile: at last, it's clear: I see
Just trying to build this bridge has set me free.

Ruth Powers, copyright 2009

The Not Me

2009-06-21T22:41:00.002-06:00

They are strong and I am weak
They are bold, and I am meek-
Try to scream, but cannot speak.

I've tried hiding, I've tried pretense,
I've tried crying, I've tried good sense,
Still, cannot mount any defense.

Now at long last clear--
I am no longer here.

Ruth Powers, copyright 2009

Wounded

2009-06-19T14:42:00.000-06:00

Alas, a cynic
I am not.
With blunt precision
You found the spot.

Oceans between us--
So far apart.
Yet your rapier tongue
Pierced my tender heart.

Ruth Powers, copyright, 2009

The Kingdom of Heaven

2009-06-14T22:18:00.000-06:00

The Kingdom of Heaven is within (or so I've heard).

Me: My youthful flesh-
So soft and mild,
Will it decay?

God: Yes child, yes child.

Me: And my sharp wit,
My supple mind?

God: Ah yes, that too,
You'll leave behind.

Me: Well what of passion,
Romance, heart?

God: Yes, even that
Shall soon depart.

Me: What is this mystery
You hide?

God: Nothing is hidden

JUST LOOK INSIDE.

Ruth Powers, copyright, 2009

Back to Top

Completion

2009-05-20T10:43:00.003-06:00

I tried to follow Jesus:
"Seek and ye shall find,"
But trying was the problem:
I hunted with my mind.

I started with the basics:
Church, prayer and meditation,
Then got into the weirder stuff:
Attraction and Vibration.

But out of now/here came the Truth,
At long last I am seeing,
That nothing, no thing that I do
Can add unto my Being.

Ruth Powers, copyright 2009

Containment

2009-05-15T09:55:00.000-06:00

Containment

I used to speak my Truth away,
But now I'm trying to live it:

This ever-shifting Maya
has the meaning
that I give it.

Ruth Powers, copyright 2009

Crisis (in Suburbia)

2009-04-30T19:09:00.000-06:00

Ah yes, ah yes, I love, I love,
I love, I love you so,
And even though it's killing me,
I just can't let you go.

And every night, I pray, I pray
To be like all the rest.
And sometimes, love, yes sometimes,
Sometimes, I pass the test.

Yes love, I too can fake smile,
And gossip o'er the fence,
In fact, I'm now an expert
At lying and pretense.

Ah yes, I do still love you,
Through existential strife.
Ah yes, I do still love you,
But I can't live this life.

Ruth Powers, copyright 2009

Disclaimer: Please don't confuse the author of this poem with the speaker in this poem.

Devolution (Running from My Problems)

2009-04-22T12:35:00.003-06:00

I run through the forest,
Thorns shredding my skin,
Hoping blood, sweat and pain
Can cleanse me within.

My breath becomes jagged,
Tears flow from my eyes;
I'm a scared primal beast,
Both savage and wise.

Embracing the death
Of the world I once knew;
Now the old truths are lies,
And the lies are now true.

Ruth Powers, copyright 2009

Compromise

2009-04-20T11:10:00.001-06:00

Sometimes it seems at every turn
I make the wrong decision;
Or so does find my warden mind
With judgment and derision.

So I trade authenticity,
For safety, pretense, lies--
And while I go on living,
The Truth inside me dies.

Ruth Powers, copyright 2009

Ode to Tax Day

2009-04-15T13:55:00.001-06:00

While I stood in the endless line, I cried,
Yet still, I paid to send it certified.
Though I abhor the rape of other shores,
This fine spring day, I mailed my check for wars.

Ruth Powers, copyright 2009

Reflections on Easter

2009-04-12T07:23:00.002-06:00

Today is a day for new beginnings. I'm looking out my window at an early morning world, newly washed by rain. The mist is rising from some hills in the near distance. Birds are everywhere, and their songs fill the air.

Many people much wiser than I have said a lot about the deeper meanings of Crucifixion and Resurrection, and I don't believe I have much to add. (By the way, to me, the themes of Death and Re-birth are not owned by the Christian tradition--they are a gift to us all, so I speak in that spirit.)

However, I do want to say this: a big truth presenting itself to me, in my life, right now, is that I cannot be reborn if I don't let go.

I have a tendency to cling to old ideas, old routines that no longer serve me, my own story, and the drama I've created around it.

But worse than that stuff (which most of us struggle with), I hold on to self-hatred and judgment for continually falling short of my standards for myself.

This creates a pattern of me feeling ashamed, resolving to "do better", actually "doing better" through suppression and control, not being able to sustain my own excessive strivings, falling again, and thus the cycle continues.

I feel that today is a good day to let go.

And as an infant does not make any effort to grow, I too have faith, that by letting go (of resistance, of judgment, of hatred, of anger and even of "the good stuff", but that's an essay for another day), I will be reborn in every moment.

It is not my efforts that cause my re-birth, it is grace.

And in this moment, I accept, I allow and am made new.

Listen

2009-04-01T10:21:00.002-06:00

Today, I realized that if you rearrange the letters of the word "Listen", it spells "Silent".

Isn't that amazing? It was to me.

I realize that I need to be silent, outside (refrain from speaking) and inside (refrain from thinking so that I can really take things in) to listen.

On a totally different subject, I am watching robins through the window, and am noticing again that they are all enormous this year. Super fat. Someone else mentioned the same thing yesterday (after I was already wondering about the fat robins), so it's not just my perception. Does anybody know anything about the super-fat robins? I'm in Colorado, and I'm wondering if this is a local phenomena, or a global one? Has anybody heard anything?

Response to Descartes

2009-03-18T12:14:00.000-06:00

Excessive rumination
repels illumination,
fomenting inner rot:

I think, therefore I'm not.

Ruth Powers, copyright 2009

Joy

2009-03-16T09:36:00.002-06:00

Because it is given,
I can't go and
get it.

Creation would change me,
if only I'd
let it.

copyright 2009

?

2009-03-16T09:06:00.000-06:00

The "truth that sets me free"
is
me.

Intimacy

2009-03-14T07:52:00.000-06:00

Intimacy

Sometimes, life plunges me
into deep
messes.

The smelly, vast darkness
of unknown
recesses.

I search for a rope,
I weep, flail and
shout.

But without going in
there's no getting
out.

Ruth Powers, copyright 2009

Snow!

2009-03-10T09:25:00.004-06:00

We've been enjoying an early Spring, and virtually all the snow around here was gone when I went to bed yesterday. As a matter of fact, it hasn't snowed here (other than the few errant flakes) for 3-4 weeks. It's been windy (typical of Spring here), and last night, it was raining.

This morning, I was very surprised to see a few inches of snow blanketing the outer world. Even though I've lived in Colorado most of my life, and was nearly positive we'd get more snow (don't think it will stick for long this time), it was surprising.

Even though I am personally ready for Spring (last Winter here was LOOONG), there is something that I find comforting about Nature doing what Nature needs to do. Incredible that, though we humans have been lousy stewards of this beautiful planet, Nature constantly re-asserts Herself.

Now the sun is out, and soon I will be making my trek to town. But for now, looking out my window at the surprising whiteness of the world, typing this, I feel at peace.

Time is Not Real

2009-03-08T08:21:00.002-06:00

What more proof do we need of this than having set our clocks one hour forward (those of us in the US)? How on Earth can time be real if we can manipulate it this way?

Seasons are real. The melting snow is real. Our changing/aging bodies are real. Time--not so much.

"The Accidental Liar"

2009-03-07T14:05:00.003-07:00

Ever heard of the book/movie, "The Accidental Tourist"? (Or maybe, you've seen the movie or read the book.)

Well, right now, I think I've been an accidental liar. Come to think of it, most people are accidental liars. (But, "most people", I'm not responsible for--just me.)

What I mean by this is, just like a lot of people, I have my fears, my ego, my aspirations. And often, to ward off fear, or because my ego wants attention, or because I wish desperately that something were true, I accidentally lie.

I say accidentally, because I am also lying to myself. Maybe, I make myself believe that I know something when I don't know it, or that I'm not lying, I'm just engaged in positive self-talk.

I'm not being hard on myself about this. It's just a condition I'd like to avoid as much as I am able.

So, I might be posting less, and I might seem less self-assured. Because, I'm not sure about much of anything. But I'm grateful that I can be truthful about it.

Cranky Fitness Awesomeness!

2009-03-04T12:59:00.003-07:00

Guess what everybody?

I have a guest post today on Cranky Fitness!

I'm really excited about this. Cranky Fitness is one of my favorite blogs. It is funny, educational, and very down to earth.

Please visit by clicking HERE. Check out the very perceptive comments, and leave one of your own!

Original blog post on this blog is:

Sunday, December 28, 2008

"Not Fighting Life (or, Change I Can Really Believe In)"

I've reached this point in my life where change seems to just happen. Which is an illusion, because I've actually laid the groundwork for it. Or, maybe I've been led, and the groundwork has been laid. Let me explain.

The most recent example of this is the fact that we moved from in town to just outside of town. This happened in July. So, I decided it would be good for me to walk into town, where I work (about 3.5 miles). After hoofing it awhile, I started jogging, then running portions. It happened on its own.

Then, in November, during the first serious cold weather (we live in Carbondale, Colorado), my car started to spew sweet smelling smoke. To make a long story a little shorter, my used car would have taken at least a couple thousand to repair. So, I donated it to charity. That means these days, hoofing it to work is less of a choice, and more of a necessity.

Now the snow is deep, and it is COLD, many mornings (yesterday, it was frost on my eyelashes cold). But, I've got my high boots, and I've got my Yak Trax (these nifty things you put on the bottom of your footwear to keep you from slipping on the ice), and I'm just fine.

Most of my life, I haven't been much into exercise, fitness or the great outdoors. But now I'm into all these things, and it has led me to deeper places. I'm developing more independence, more self-reliance, more toughness (in a good way) and more will. More confidence, more connection, more stillness and more strength. I credit this in part to not resisting life. If and when I need a car, it will find me.

And all this change was not forced, it flowed. So, that's the kind of change I can truly believe in.

Spring Cleaning, Part Deux: Getting Rid of Stuff--The Agony, and the Ecstasy

2009-02-27T20:10:00.003-07:00

I have started my Spring Cleaning (as promised yesterday) of this blog.

I've gone through last year's posts (there were 5, I think), and all of January's and got rid of a bunch.

It's weird to delete something that I've written off this blog, because I have no record of it.

On the one hand, it's tempting to save things "for posterity", or something. I mean, it will only take space on my computer, right?

Wrong! It takes up space in my psyche.

Of course, I try not to get rid of things willy-nilly.

But, I realized something not too long ago.

If I want to invite the new into my life (new poetry, new ideas, new relationships, new energy in long-standing relationships), I have to make room. That means that certain things must go.

It takes courage. (Even when what I'm getting rid of is mostly crap, it my crap, and I'm somehow attached.)

But, it's like a really hot bath. You wince when you get in, and it takes a good couple minutes for you to ease fully into the water. But, it feels more and more wonderful as you relax. And, when you emerge from the sweating and scrubbing, you are so CLEAN!

Hope you are all (or will be soon--those of you in the Northern Hemisphere, that is) experiencing the renewal of Spring.

Quiet Desperation

2009-02-23T19:52:00.003-07:00

Quiet Desperation

The nightly sports

the morning news
(about the Arabs
and the Jews,
and rape, and hate,
and murder too),

my nice safe job,
my shiny car,
the Happy Hour
at the bar
the cardboard food

the soft warm bed
the stifled voices
in my head...

The prophecy came true,
I fear;
it seems that I
am buried here.

Ruth Powers, copyright 2009

Early Easter

2009-02-22T17:23:00.001-07:00

Early Easter

A hand reached in
to save me
as I dreamed.

And now, awake
no thing is
what it seemed.

My standing
in the world
once gave me worth.

The death of that
is now my
second birth.

Ruth Powers, copyright 2009

A sonnet

2009-02-21T18:35:00.000-07:00

Longing

Strong yearnings came with cycles of the moon,
Some slivery, some full and shining bright–
I always wished that you would come home soon
Releasing me from the stern endless night.

My nights were all the same–cold, dark and lonely,
Sometimes with stars, still others dense and dry.
And every night I said aloud, “If only
he would come, the sun would fill the sky.”

But when you came the longing burned still stronger–
The hole intrinsic–nothing left to blame.
The night that once seemed long is even longer–
The bleakness of my being remains the same.

The hunger eats my spirit, still unabated,
I touch, I weep and I am still unsated.

Ruth Powers, copyright 2004

David--a poem

2009-02-20T19:30:00.001-07:00

David*

If I could talk to you I’d say
that self-improvement
is fine, in its way
but small gains are enough–
that what’s important
is today.

Your death is such a shame
for if you could have let
the moment pass
you’d still be here
and we’d be free from
useless guilt and blame.

Ruth Powers, copyright 2005

*This poem was written shortly after the suicide of our friend, David.

A Poem-Double Standard

2009-02-18T19:26:00.002-07:00

Double Standard

Our anger wells against strong Grant
who chopped the golden spruce,
But with the forest death machine
we’ve made a wobbly truce.*

Our anger wells against the man
who kills in desperation,
yet somehow we’ve become resigned
to slaughtering a nation.

Ruth Powers, copyright 2005

* I wrote this poem after reading "The Golden Spruce" by John Vaillant. A review for background:

This powerful and vexing man-versus-nature tale is set in an extraordinary place, Canada's Queen Charlotte Islands, and features two legendary individuals: a uniquely golden 300-year-old Sitka spruce and Grant Hadwin, a logger turned champion of old-growth forests who ultimately destroys what he loves. With a firm grasp of every confounding aspect of this suspenseful and disturbing story and a flair for creating arresting allegories and metaphors, Vaillant conveys a wealth of complex biological, cultural, historical, and economic information within an incisive interpretation of the essential role trees have played in human civilization. Breathtaking evocations of this oceanic realm of giant trees and epic rains give way to a homage to its ghosts, for this is the sight of a holocaust, where the creative and dauntless Haida were nearly decimated by Europeans who also clear-cut the mighty forests. It is this legacy of greed and loss that rendered the immense golden spruce, a miraculous survivor, sacred, and that drove Hadwin to cut it down. This tragic tale goes right to the heart of the conflicts among loggers, native rights activists, and environmentalists, and induces us to more deeply consider the consequences of our habits of destruction. Donna Seaman
Copyright © American Library Association. All rights reserved

Push Against That Which Resists You

2009-02-17T20:01:00.005-07:00

I appreciate wisdom wherever I find it.

Crabby McSlacker from the informative and funny blog Cranky Fitness recently posted a wise guest post: HERE.

In this post, Crabby uses an exercise analogy as a spring-board to talk about balance (and lack thereof).

She aptly points out that people running, walking, or barely getting off the couch is not a phenomena confined to exercise, but traits that can be observed in all areas of our lives.

She asks an important question: "...why do so many of us concentrate our efforts on improving our fastest times in areas where we’re already running? But remain, in other important areas of our lives, stuck on the couch?"

Crabby's post focuses more on slowing down in those areas in which we are running ever and ever faster. In this post, I'm going to explore the other end of the spectrum: "getting off the couch".

It's human nature (or maybe just ego nature) to lean on our successes. But, for me personally, the greatest growth in my life has come from working in areas that are challenging for me, that don't come naturally, and that I have a tendency to avoid. A big example of this is running.

Most of my life, I have not been athletic. As a child, I was constantly ill. I suffered from chronic bronchitis, asthma attacks, debilitating allergies (of the sneezing and skin rash variety), and I even managed to catch pneumonia, and Scarlet Fever (of all the bizarre things)! This really put a crimp in my ability to run around.

Somehow, I outgrew all this (a fact for which I am immensely grateful). However, I engaged in some self-destructive habits as a young adult, including smoking (which I'm glad to say I quit over 3 years ago). So, most of my life (with brief intermittent exceptions), I got very little exercise, and had poor eating habits.

Long story shorter: Now I run/jog/walk (depending on the snow, my condition, etc.) 3.5 miles, 5 days a week and strength train 2 days a week.

Running is not easy for me. It doesn't come naturally. I have to play my edge always, pushing myself, easing up, pushing again. But running, (and when I can't, even trying to run) has opened up the most amazing vistas, in my mind, and in my life. It's so much more satisfying than the easy successes (for me, writing, singing, and creative endeavors in general).

What do you think about this? Would you rather rack up the stellar successes, or push against that which resists you?

A Poem --Leaving the Ledger

2009-02-16T20:54:00.001-07:00

Leaving the Ledger

Good God, I am so sick of counting
A useless endeavor, only amounting
To a bunch of back-stabbing and misplaced pride.

Who started this madness?–I really don’t care,
For I know that this moment’s the only place where
I abandon the count and just flow with the tide.

Ruth Powers, copyright 2005

Other People Go To Paris So I Don't Have To

2009-02-15T18:34:00.002-07:00

OK, I know that sounds weird. OK, I know that is weird.

Here's what I mean: I was half-watching some movie on TV today, and the protagonist was a writer who loved Paris. She would listen to French music while writing, and run away to Paris every chance she got. She knew Paris like the back of her hand, and had all her favorite haunts, etc. And, when the movie ends with a trouble-plagued romance finally (seemingly) cemented, the happy event takes place in Paris.

Here's the thing: when I was younger, I traveled quite a bit. I even went without a car until I was almost 30 so that I could travel.

I saw a lot of interesting places and did a lot of interesting things. But, at some point, I realized the most profound of all bumper-sticker truths: Wherever you go, there you are.

I'm not knocking travel. It can absolutely open your eyes. And it does make you more awake, more conscious somehow, to be in a new place, without familiar people, a familiar language, or familiar habits to rely upon.

But, it's artificial. Stay long enough, and you'll find yourself being the same old way. Wherever you go, there you are.

I decided that I wanted to stay awake without relying on constantly changing outer conditions to remain so. That's when I embarked on an inner journey.

So, on a lazy Sunday when I'm doing some laundry and half-watching TV, and I catch a charming movie about a woman's adventures in Paris, I think to myself, It's so nice she went to Paris so I don't have to.

I hope that's very wise, but I fear it's very boring. Either way, it's where I am right now.

Poem-Self Acceptance

2009-02-14T19:08:00.001-07:00

Self Acceptance

I see myself as laid-back,
You claim that I am lazy.
I think that I am right-brained,
But you insist I’m crazy.

I will not rush, on principle,
But you think I’m just slow.
You come up with “solutions”,
While I say, “I don’t know.”

And yes, you’re more successful,
But this, I know, is true:
Despite my imperfections,
I’m glad that I’m not you.

Ruth Powers, copyright 2005

5 Rules For Life

2009-02-13T19:01:00.007-07:00

My "5 Rules for Life" are also posted on the blog "5 Rules for Life" HERE. Please, visit if you can. Then, come back here to read Dr. J's cool comment (his 2nd one).

5 Rules for Life

1. This too shall pass. When I was younger, the intensity of my emotions colored my perception of everything, and it seemed as if my experience of the moment was a permanent state. Now I realize that every mood, every situation, everything comes and goes, ebbs and flows. So, I try to ride the waves of life, and enjoy still waters when things settle.

2. Now could be the very last moment you spend with a loved one. I realized this after the death of my father. There were so many loose ends in our relationship when he became ill, and died. There is much I would have done differently, if I could do it all over again. There were so many little ways I could have been nicer to my dad. I could have spent more time with him, could have apologized for the horrible things I said during my turbulent teens. But...

3. Regret is useless. We cannot change the past, but we can learn from it.
In terms of lessons learned from #2, I now try to choose, moment to moment, to treat those I love as if these were the last moments we might spend together. Of course, I don't always succeed. But, I...

4. Forgive. I forgive myself and others. Forgiving is an art, and I intend to spend the rest of my life perfecting it. I've learned from experience that holding a grudge is painful, but forgiveness opens the door to healing and peace. When I'm having a hard time forgiving another person, I remind myself that...

5. It's never about "them"--it's always about me. No matter how many times my ego tries to trick me into believing that "I'm upset because so-and-so did such-and such and he was wrong, and, and, and...", I know, and try to hold the knowing, that everything in life is a lesson. Every event, every upset, every person, (those I love, and those who annoy me--often the same people), illuminates something about me that needs healing, understanding, resolution or clarification. And if I miss the lesson, that's OK! The same lessons will keep appearing in my life until I learn what I need to learn.

Joy Manifesto (top 10)

2009-02-10T13:41:00.007-07:00

I recently encountered this: Happiness Manifesto.

But, happiness is an elusive quality, in my experience, that eludes you the more that you chase it. So, I decided to pen my own...

Joy Manifesto (top 10)

1. This too shall pass...seriously. (That's a cliche for a reason)

2. When tempted to argue, justify, defend or explain, bite your tongue, count to 10, breathe deeply, or whatever it takes to create distance between me and my automatic response. When I do that, the urge to argue, etc., almost always dissipates.

3. "Feel it to heal it." Michael Brown www.thepresenceportal.com. said this. Sage advice.

4. Now is all there is. Regretting the past and worrying about the future is a waste of my life.

5. My perception is my reality. There is no reality outside of my perception. So, I'd better be vigilant about my attitude!

6. Simplify. Less stuff (internal and external baggage)=more freedom.

7. Begin each day with meditation. It enables me to come back to center throughout the day.

8. I can only change the world by allowing true change to occur within my own life experience.

9. The energy behind my actions is at least as important as the actions themselves. (Example: I used to write and publicly read my political poetry. Even though the content of these poems was sometimes thought-provoking, I wrote and read them feeling angry. At best, I was preaching to the choir, and at worst, provoking and alienating the very people I hoped to persuade.)

10. Don't split hairs. Some people say, "God is in the details". I say, "God is in everything.

Related to #10, I'm not even sure if that was a manifesto. But, whatever it is, I hope you enjoy it.

The Missing Link--a poem

2009-02-07T19:01:00.004-07:00

The Missing Link

Vacant smiles--
Alienation.

Sweet routine
becomes
Stagnation.

Higher Aspirations
gather dust
upon the shelf.

And then, I remember
that I forgot my
Self.

Ruth Powers
copyright 2009

Nicola Lees Interviews Me

2009-02-05T17:05:00.002-07:00

Tonight, Nicola's interview of me:

Nicola: Where in the world are you and what can you see from there?

Ruth: Please view side-bar.

I live in Carbondale, CO, USA. It is the most beautiful place on Earth, I have no doubt.

1st side bar photo is a view from my home. Next image is the Rio Grande trail, where I jog/run into town 5 days a week. (We are 3.5 miles from town--we have a gallery on Main St. in Carbondale.) Last image is Mt. Sopris. You can see Mount Sopris everywhere in Carbondale. It is a defining feature of the town.

Nicola: What is your favourite TV show?

Ruth: I am not too attached to TV. I watch some everyday, but nothing faithfully--just whatever is on that I catch.

Two shows I actually follow: "The Daily Show", and "The Colbert Report".

Nicola: If you could order the readers of TVMole to invent your perfect non-fiction TV program, what would be its subject?

Ruth: My husband. He's an amazing visual artist (he paints, mostly oil). He paints live on stage, and his range is amazing. He's also the most prolific artist I've ever seen. EVER.

Nicola: If you could be/had to be on a TV makeover program, what would you makeover?

Ruth: I would make over our business. We have our own small business: an open art studio/gallery/art school. We get by, and have so many magical moments. But, hubby and I are both more into creativity, spirituality, and living life, than we are into marketing. So, lots of improvements could be made.

Nicola: From your blog, Ruth Trying Truth, it seems like you are going through some kind of transition at the moment - where do you hope to be by the end of 2009?

Ruth: I know that if I try to stay present for the process, the results will take care of themselves. This is true in art, and in life. Easy to say, harder to live by, but 100% true.

End of Interview

To see my interview of Nicola on her site, click HERE.

To read the rules, so you can get in on the game yourself, click HERE.

Come on, people, don't make me beg.

My Interview with Nicola Lees

2009-02-04T14:49:00.006-07:00

Here it is, the moment we've all been waiting for!

My interview was with Nicola Lees, of TV Mole. It's a fascinating website that...wait, what am I doing? I'll let her tell you:

Ruth: What is your website, TV Mole, all about?
Nicola: It's all about inspiring and informing factual TV Development - in other words, helping TV professionals and aspiring filmmakers to originate, develop and pitch their ideas. There is 'Be Inspired' section to help spark ideas, there are links to industry resources, and also a series of how-to (have ideas/write a proposal/pitch) articles that you can read as a masterclass, or dip into as a refresher. My ambition is to have people say that they couldn't have got their idea commissioned without TVMole - for me, that would be the equivalent of an online dating site celebrating a wedding. I have my hat ready.

Ruth: What inspired you to create TV Mole?
Nicola: I've been developing ideas for seven years, and have amassed a huge number of resources that inspire ideas and help me do my job. It made sense to compile all the interesting snippets and insider intelligence in one place for easy reference, and that turned into an email newsletter that spread virally. I had requests to turn it into a website, so TVMole has evolved partly in response to that demand. I'd also noticed that there are many resources designed to help screenwriters develop and pitch there scripts but nothing to help factual TV producers develop their ideas - and although the information is out there, it's spread around and not that easy to track down if you are just starting out. There is a tendancy to think that good ideas only come from senior people within the industry (there are number of reasons why they are more successful than less experienced people, but they're not necessarily anything to do with the quality of their ideas). TVMole's mission is to demysitfy the process and encourage everyone, whatever their level of experience to get involved with development - hopefully the commissioining editors will soon have an avalanche of exciting and original ideas landing on their desks.

Ruth: You have a very impressive resume, having been involved in numerous aspects of the development of factually based TV (originating, researching, writing, etc.). What is your favorite role, Mole?
Nicola: That's a tough one to answer. I'm always having ideas and love bouncing them around with people who 'get it', ie. those who understand that creativity is about being collaborative, constructive and reciprocal (unfortunately not everyone is like that). However, I also enjoy the challenge of giving those ideas shape in a good proposal, and I find that really satisfying. I don't feel like I've done a good day's work unless I've written something.

Ruth: What is your favorite kind of show to work on (art, science, etc.)?
Nicola: I have spent a long time developing science and history programmes, so that's my default, but I've also enjoyed developing lifestyle formats.They're different beasts - for specialist factual programmes (art, history, science, religion, natural history) you usually start with researching a subject and then weave a narrative. With a format, it's more usualy start with the structure of the programme and the story is driven by the format points. My favourite thing to do is mix two opposing genres, but that kind of behaviour can make the commissioners nervous. However, when it works, it can be extremely successful, for example: cooking + stadium sports = Iron Chef; business + reality = The Apprentice / Dragons' Den (sadly none of those were my idea).

Ruth: What would you consider your most important pursuit, outside of TV?
Nicola: To live life rather than just get through it. I try to get outside my comfort zone as often as possible by learning new things, going to different places, meeting new people. When I lived in NYC, I listened to my iPod as walked to work over the Brooklyn Bridge every morning: the sky was usually bright blue, and the rising sun at my back gave the Wall Street skyscrapers a golden glow; it seemed like every day was full of new opportunities. Now I'm back in grey London, I try to hold onto the feeling I had in NYC.

End of Interview

To see this interview on Nicola's site, click HERE.

To read the rules, so you can get in on the game yourself, click HERE.

A Found Poem (Almost Makes Housecleaning Enjoyable)

2009-02-01T17:24:00.006-07:00

I was tempted to tweak, but resisted:

The Leaf (A Meditation)

I sit. I study. (Which is dusty with a small slight of hand.)
But look!
I peer out into
The vast grey vapor--
The beautiful chaos beyond the
Distorted order of this place.

Off in the distance,
(but not very far)
the growth of you
defies the backdrop
of the twisted steel and concrete monster
I have helped create.

Your birth was
so recent.
Yet, eternity surges through your veins;
(your green veins, not unlike my own).

I am human--
capable of communion,
connection and
evolution.

I have hands--
the same as the hands
that transcribed the words of
Angels.

You have no hands...

I have a heart,
the same as the Heart
that embraced the dead
and shrouded them with
Life.

You have no heart...

I have a mind,
the same as the Mind
that discovered the
Eternal Now.

You have no mind...

Can you tell me
why my hand
only pens nonsense?

Can you tell me
why my heart
only pumps blood?

Can you tell me
why my mind
remains lost
in the unreal?

Your mother pours her
Mother
through her delicate webbing.
In your short life
you shall know
the history
of other shores.
The dust within you
(as within me)
comes from the emanation of
Stars.

So I sit--
dusty.
Studying
recent trends;
distractions from
Truth
occupy my
Being.

But look!
Through the longing--
the legacy--
Higher Love--
Higher Life.

The lesson to the lowly
from the Lord.

Leaf.

copyright: Ruth Powers: 1995

A sonnet--The Searcher

2009-01-31T11:08:00.001-07:00

The Searcher

Here now, then gone, ephemeral at best,
Every happening in this lonely place.
The sun sinks in the ever grasping West.
The stars begin to wink in endless space.

The wind moans with the sound of desperation,
A coyote howls a long and distant wail,
An owl hoots with wisdom and elation,
I hear my own soft feet upon the trail.

I came here seeking God, myself and truth,
But I found music in the empty sky,
The fabled fountain of eternal youth,
The answer to the how and what and why.

I hear the sound of predatory thunder,
And I am filled with momentary wonder.

Ruth Powers, copyright, 2003

This poem was published in the magazine, "The Christian Communicator" and in the bilingual newspaper, "La Mission",in English and Spanish.

All poems on this blog are by me, and all are copyrighted.

Another poem

2009-01-30T19:21:00.003-07:00

Presence

Though short the path between the womb
And the great equalizing tomb,
It matters not, to my surprise,
Since no one's born, and nothing dies.

Ruth Powers, copyright, 2008

What If I Never See You Again?

2009-01-29T07:54:00.004-07:00

I read the following blog post today: What Would You Do If You Only Had a Short Time to Live, and it got me thinking.

It's a good question. One hears it in personal/spiritual development circles a lot. It can clarify our priorities.

But a question that's proved more valuable to me personally is, "How would I treat a loved one if I knew these were our last moments together?"

After my father died, this question asserted itself in my mind, in my life, and in my relationships. Even when I'm in the middle of a heated argument with my husband, there's that little voice saying, "Are you sure you want to be acting this way? What if this were it--your last moments with him?"

There were so many little ways I could have been nicer to my dad. I could have spent more time with him, could have apologized for the horrible things I said during my turbulent teens.

But I try not to dwell on these things. I cannot change the past.

What I can do is choose, moment to moment, to treat those I love as if these were the last moments we might spend together.

Because, in fact, they might be.

Ode to Van Gogh

2009-01-28T19:51:00.002-07:00

Ordinary life seemed too prosaic,
Devoid of passion that my heart desired.
I pushed against the currents that resisted,
Then found I lacked the courage that required.

The God I sought in church had turned against me,
But yellow lit my soul, then merged with blue.
I fought away the darkness that possessed me,
And had, at last, a taste of what was true.

But this false world cannot abide by truth.
I longed once more to gaze into God’s face,
So I surrendered in a sunlit field,
And took my journey to another place.

Ruth Powers, copyright, 2004

Danielle LaPorte's Interview of Me

2009-01-26T07:47:00.001-07:00

At long last, the moment has arrived!

I was interviewed by Danielle LaPorte of the blog White Hot Truth. If you would like me to interview you, and post the interview on my blog, please read the rules HERE.

Danielle: How does one go about cultivating emptiness?

Ruth: I'll answer with a Senryu (Good Lord, that sounds pretentious!):

One Cultivates Emptiness...
...by not believing
the incessant (his)story
of conditioned mind.

Danielle: What are you having a hard time getting rid of?

Ruth: I'm not sure that it is possible to "get rid of" anything. I know that I've never succeeded, no matter how hard I've tried. And I've tried to get rid of all kinds of stuff: excess body weight, emotional outbursts, fear, pride, and countless other things. I've come to believe that there's something aggressive and violent about trying to get rid of what we don't like about ourselves.

What has been more effective for me is a process of displacement. For example, I replace behaviors that lead to excess body weight (such as eating mindlessly and lack of activity) with healthy behaviors (such as eating mindfully and exercising).

Another (more difficult, but even more effective) approach is to get to the root of the issue. For example, what is causing my emotional outbursts? (As opposed to the triggers, which appear to be outside of myself. It always helps to remember that the cause of my own destructive behavior is never outside of me, no matter how much it appears to be.)

And always, always, always, acceptance. In my life, acceptance (of the fat, of my periodic madness, of the fear, etc.) has allowed my to outgrow destructive habits and behaviors (rather than aggressively attempting to get rid of them).

Danielle: If you could say one thing to Barack Obama, what would it be?

Ruth:Congratulations, and best of luck! (OK, that's 2 things.)

Danielle: What's the one lesson in your life that keeps repeating itself?

Ruth:Let go.

Danielle: Best kiss happened, where?

Ruth:I'm confined to only one?

It was in my now-husband's car (which, if memory serves, was a little blue Datsun with a trunk that wouldn't stay shut without a bungee cord). I had met him that very day (I know, I shouldn't have gotten into a car with a man I just met, but my intuition said otherwise), and it was wonderful because it was our first kiss, but even more so because I wasn't expecting it.

End of Interview

So here's yet another invitation to play this game. If you have questions about the rules, please E-MAIL ME.

Of course, play or not, your comments are always welcome.

The Interview Game--5 Questions

2009-01-26T07:37:00.000-07:00

An interview game has been circulating online, and I've decided to be a part of it. Basically, you agree to be interviewed by a fellow blogger. Your answers are published on your blog and theirs. And in turn, you agree to interview anyone who would like to be interviewed by you. Sounds like fun, right?

I am going to post my own interview questions and answers, along with a link to the interviewer's blog tomorrow. I know, the suspense is killing you!

But, because the rules can be a little confusing (they were to me anyhow), I'm posting this to kind of prime the pump, so to speak.

THE INTERVIEW RULES
1. E-MAIL ME saying: "Interview Me".
2. Provide a link to your blog/website in the e-mail.
3. I will e-mail you five questions of my choice.
4. You e-mail me your answers, and let me know when you are going to post the interview on your website/blog.
5. You post the interview on your blog/website the agreed upon day {with a link back to my blog}.
6. I will post your interview the same day (with a link to your website/blog).
7. You should also post these rules, along with an offer to interview anyone else who e-mails you wanting to be interviewed.
8. Anyone who asks to be interviewed should be sent 5 questions to answer on their blog/website.
9. It would be nice if the questions were individualized for each blogger.

Rule #6 is optional when posting rules on your own website/blog. (What I mean is this: If you think that an overwhelming amount of people might want you to interview them, you do not have to commit to posting all those interviews on your blog. However, the interviewees DO have to post your interview with them, plus a link to your website/blog. Hope this makes sense.)

So, what do you say? I hope many of you get in on the game. And look for my interview and a link to my interviewer's website tomorrow!

Music

2009-01-25T07:54:00.000-07:00

Music does something to me. I am deeply and profoundly aeffected (it has an affect and an effect) by it.

It is difficult for me to listen to music while I am engaged in activity, because when it resonates with me, it sweeps me away, and when it rankles, it is a distraction. (By the way people, I had this insight about distraction. Distraction=dis-traction. As in, losing your footing. Which is true. And cool, that words contain hidden truths. As in words=sword=slicing through the inessential, sometimes/maybe. Or words as weapons. Could mean lots of things. And mean=name...but I could go on like this all day, and sometimes I do.)

Back to the music: I was just washing some dishes, and listening to music on the radio (New Age channel), and I heard this song that swept me away. It was a call to action. It was epic without being trite (which is tough to do).

I don't know the name of the song, but I did find out that it's by a group called "Adiemus" and on the album "Best of Adiemus".

And yesterday:

At the gallery, we have a sound system (the word "system" makes it sound fancy, and I assure you, it is not) with 2 speakers. One plays in the front of the gallery, and another in the back, where my desk and computer are located. Because of my issues with music and distraction, I almost never have the music on in the back. And, because I have hearing like a bat, I even have earplugs so that if the music out front distracts me, I can block out the sound. (Don't worry, I can still hear pretty well--things just sound much quieter.)

At some point, this nice man came in, and I introduced him to the place, then went back to my desk. He looked around, came back to the area of the desk, we talked, and then he went back out front and proceeded to ask me a question (I quest on). So, I went out to the front, and what was playing on our local classical music channel, you ask? "Adagio for Strings", by Samuel Barber. That song absolutely melts me. So there I am, talking about art, answering the nice man's questions, and all the while, I am fighting back tears.

Visual art is about momentness. It creates an instant impact on the viewer. (It might reveal more over time, but there's that all powerful, often subliminal, first impression).

Music, on the other hand, is about unfoldment. It reveals itself over "time". You cannot hear only one note, and know the song.

I believe that music is the language of God/dess. It is open, it is abstract, and it can open a world of vibration that is a portal to eternity.

(Space=Infinity, Time=Eternity???) An amusing musing that I will perhaps explore another day.

Momentness

2009-01-23T19:53:00.000-07:00

Please, if you will, observe those children painting. (I took these images at an art class we had here at our open art studio/gallery/school.)

What I love about these pictures the most is that every little person is pursuing his/her own vision, unselfconsciously. And every vision is different!

The little girl in the top image is pursuing representation: buildings, growth, sky, etc.

The little guy in the middle image is all about those stripes. Structure! But, it's personal. He's painting something derived from within.

The little girl in the bottom image is also painting her inner vision, but her painting is soft-edged, with lots of fuzzy roundness. Also, we had these children mixing their own colors. Note what an amazing job this little girl did at mixing all kinds of shades and tints! (The little girl in the top image DID use some secondary colors, though not as many as the other little girl and the little boy did not mix his colors at all, sticking with the primaries.)

So, my point? (Besides posting the most adorable and amazing pictures of these tykes.)

Why do we lose this? Most of us serious adults lack the courage to be ourselves. Life has hurt us! It's safer to blend in (no pun intended)!

And, even when some of us dare to break out of our self-constructed prisons, we're not in the moment, like these little people are. We're not attending to the task at hand, whatever it may be. We are busy looking over our shoulders, making sure nobody is observing us "being weird".

How about you? Despite all the craziness in this world, can you dare to be yourself? Can you risk surrendering to the moment? Do you want to?

Change-A Senryu (like a Haiku, but not about nature)

2009-01-21T20:35:00.001-07:00

Change?

Hope for the future,
trumps our bloody, calloused past;
yet, I prefer now.

Ruth Powers, copyright 2009

Get to Know Me!

2009-01-20T15:40:00.000-07:00

Does anyone else remember that Jon Lovitz sketch on SNL? Or am I just dating myself with that reference?

Anyway, I got an e-mail from an old friend--one of those where you answer questions, and send it back to the person who sent it to you, and also to other friends and family. Normally I'm not into that sort of thing, but today I figured, why the heck not?

So without further ado, I'm going to let you in on some of the questions and answers. I know, you're dying of suspense:

1. What is your occupation right now? Manager of my husband's art gallery/studio/school

2. What color are your socks right now? Wearing green Moroccan slippers

3. What music are you listening to right now? As in right this second, nothing. Usually? World music and New age.

4. What was the last thing that you ate? ground turkey with broccoli, spinach and a little cheese

5. Can you drive a stick shift? no

6. What is your favorite sport to watch on TV? basketball, if the Nuggets are playing and my husband is watching too--On my own, I don't watch sports

7. What is your favorite drink? I drink lots of sparkling water, and like the occasional Chardonay

8. Have you ever dyed your hair? yes, I went through stages, but haven't colored my hair for 10 or 15 years

9. Favorite food? Ahhh, complicated question for me, long answer coming. I've had a life-long love affair with all things starchy. I've eaten mountains of macaroni and fields of fries. But due ever-increasing girth, I decided that I had to end this love affair. It was tough--like ending a toxic relationship with someone you're completely infatuated with. After about 6 months of "de-starchifying", I no longer crave starchy foods. But nothing sounds as good as those used to. Even though the food I eat now is mostly healthy and delicious, I don't crave it. Like I used to crave drowning in a big bowl of mashed-potatoes.

10. What is the last movie you watched? Most of "Click", with Adam Sandler, surprisingly good

11. Favorite day of the year? Any day that the sun is shining and I'm feeling at peace

12. How do you vent anger? I like to take a hot bath, scream, cry and pound the walls with my fists. After doing that and sweating for a couple of hours, I'm usually pretty worn out and not angry.

13. What was your favorite toy as a child? A little toy robot called 2-XL that played 8 track tapes and let you give multiple choice answers

14. What is your favorite season? Summer, because I live in the Western slopes of Colorado--the days are warm and sunny (not humid), nights are cool and starry. I also like Autumn and Spring. (Which is super short here--take a shower and you might miss it). Even Winter's not too bad, because there are lots of sunny days.

15. When was the last time you cried? Sunday, Jan. 18th

16. What is on the floor of your closet? My closet has a floor????????

17. What are you most afraid of? That I will fall asleep and not be present for my life.

"Don’t Let the Perfect Be the Enemy of the Good"

2009-01-19T07:41:00.000-07:00

I found an article HERE, that frames something that I've been reflecting about in a different manner than I have been.

There is a quote by Voltaire: “Don’t let the perfect be the enemy of the good.”

Great advice. This has been shown true to me in my own life in the area of diet/nutrition (I've followed some weird diets in my day, and done some fasting, but when I "fall off the wagon", I do so with a resounding crash) and exercise (in the past, I've pushed too hard, hurt myself and quit, so now I just add intensity/distance slowly, which is much more effective).

I do have a tough time applying this approach to certain areas in my life (spiritual development, dealings with other people), and tend to be perfectionistic and very hard on myself (seeing shortcomings as absolute failures).

I learned 2 new terms from Gretchen Rubin's post: "satisficer" and "maximizer".

Satisficers are what I think of as "doers", and maximizers are "over-thinkers". It doesn't mean that satisficers don't weigh criteria when making a decision, but they have the concept of "good enough". Maximizers, on the other hand, suffer from serious analysis paralysis, because they have to be sure they're making the "best" decision. Not surprisingly, there are studies that seem to show that satisficers are happier than maximizers.

How about you? Are you a satisficer or a maximizer? Or (like most of us, I suspect) both? What areas in your life do you suffer from analysis paralysis and perfectionism?

Responsibility

2009-01-16T18:53:00.000-07:00

Sometimes, I feel like the Universe is really trying to tell me something. If I'm being particularly dense, the Universe just keeps trying.

This idea that I am responsible for my life experiences has been jumping out at me from every corner lately. I've read about it in "spiritual" literature. I've read about it in business books, and blogs.

For some reason, even though I'm in intellectual agreement with this principle, it's a tough thing to live by. And, it's not just the lazy tendency most of us have to blame other people or circumstances when things don't go our way. No, it's that I sometimes don't want to take responsibility for anything. I want to drift, to take the path of least resistance. But, I don't like the results of such a path.

So, what is it that makes it so tough (for me) to take responsibility? What makes it so easy to delegate responsibility to other people (blaming) or events (whining)? Does anybody out there struggling with this issue have any comments or suggestions?

Rude Awakening

2009-01-14T21:52:00.001-07:00

Rude Awakening

Sliver sounds
Voice shards
Pierce sweet sleep--

Ripping me from
Dense dreams.

Ruth Powers, copyright 2009

Goals and Aims

2009-01-12T21:29:00.001-07:00

I read a lot, and especially read lots of blogs, quite a few of which are about productivity, and, when you read about productivity, you read a lot about goals.

Most of what I read about goal setting is confined to short-term and concrete goals. A few posts venture into the territory of larger life goals.

But, I don't think of my big-picture goals as goals at all. I think about them as aims.

When you shoot an arrow, you aim it, so that it goes in a certain direction.

On a different topic, but one that is related to this post, I enjoy anagrams. Often, when I think about words and the meanings of words, I flip the letters around and around in my mind. So, in one of those processes, I noticed this:

The word "goal", if you monkey with the letters, is: "a log". Something heavy. However, if there's a spark, a log can sustain a fire.

And the word aim: "I am". Something big picture, complete, beyond the short term. The spark behind the fire.

There's a lot of emphasis, in this culture, on goals. There's not a whole lot of emphasis on aims. Goals should be a means to an end, I think. But the end, the aim, is not a concrete end-point, but rather a path.

I'm going to leave this pondering open ended, for now.

How about you out there? Are you a determined goal setter and list maker? Do you think there's a difference between "goals" and "aims"? Or, am I just splitting hairs and thinking too much?

"Click"

2009-01-11T14:47:00.000-07:00

Before I get into this post, let me explain something: I am a huge nerd. Really behind the times. Somewhat of a recluse. So, I don't go to the movies, I don't know what music the kids are listening to, and all that other information that makes a person socially cool (or at least, not socially uncool).

Today, I'm hanging around the house, doing some laundry, some housework, some reading, a little exercise. It's kind of a gray, cold day, and my energy's a little low, so I decided to watch a little TV.

I encountered this movie called "Click", with Adam Sandler. (Apparently, this movie is a couple years old, which is why a prefaced all this with the "nerd explanation".) I did not see 100% of the movie, but did see most of it, and I'm so glad I did.

The movie, for all you other pop-culture ignoramuses out there, is about a young architect, with a wife, a couple kids, and parents, who is always busy and trying to get ahead in his career.

A crazy, creepy but wise fellow named Morty (played by Christoper Walken, who plays a great crazy, creepy, but wise person, I think) gives Adam Sandler's character (whose name in the movie escapes me) a magical and universal remote control that he can use on everything in his life.

At first, this seems like a great thing! Adam can fast forward through fights with his wife, mute his boss, etc.

At some point though, things get out of control. The remote gets to know Adam's preferences, so it starts automatically fast-forwarding through parts of his life without his control.

I don't want to spoil this movie for anyone who hasn't seen it, and would like to.

I will say that parts of the movie are a little trite and formulaic, but some of the movie really cuts to the quick.

For me, an especially poignant segment is when Adam Sandler finds out he has fast-forwarded through the death of his father. He is able to witness himself during his last visit with his father before he dies, and Adam is cold, pre-occupied and hurtful.

When my own father became ill and died, I struggled in a similar way. I was haunted by every instance when I could have easily spent time with Dad doing something he enjoyed (like watching a documentary about fractals), but chose to spend time doing something useless instead (like reading a crappy novel). I remembered every cruel and hateful word I spewed at the man during my tortured adolescence. And even though I spent a long 7 months mostly at his side in the hospital (even though he was frequently unaware of my presence), I knew I could never regain what I had squandered. When he died, I knew there would be no "do-overs".

But, this is not about me feeling guilty, or about public self-flagellation. I've worked through that.

After my dad died, I was determined to not make the same mistakes again in my relationships. But sadly, I'm always forgetting. I'm short and irritable with my mother, I have to "be right" with my husband, and I hardly talk to my brother at all (although to be fair, that's not just me--he's a lawyer who works long hours--see, there I go, being defensive, instead of finding solutions). Thankfully, my sister and I are pretty close, but she lives a couple thousand miles away, has a baby and is a doctor, so we don't get much in way of quality time.

But, back to the present moment (I'm always wandering off). I am grateful that the movie "Click" came my way, to remind me to be kind to those I love, to treasure every moment, and to not lose sight of what's important.

The Post I Didn't Want to Write

2009-01-10T18:55:00.000-07:00

Hello all!

I had plans to write a nice, informative, well-thought out post on how "work is play", and "play is work", that discussed childhood, and creativity, and a balanced life that flows.

I might actually write that post someday, but not today. "Why not?" you ask. Because I am overly sensitive to sound.

Yes, you heard me. This is a weird issue I have.

At our gallery, if my husband is listening to music at a "normal" level, it can pull my attention from the task at hand. (Actually, I love music--I sing, read music, memorize music quickly, etc., but have never been able to study or work with music on. I go through bouts of trying to, but I just get sucked into the music.)

I can often hear quiet conversations in the next room (and I actually don't want to hear private conversations, so I usually hum under my breath to obscure the words).

So tonight, while typing away on the post I did want to write, the TV in the other room that I could hear too well through the shut door pulled me completely out of what I was doing--so much so, that I couldn't reconnect.

But, what I could and did do was put in a trusty pair of silicon ear-plugs.

I would be doomed without ear-plugs. I think I would lose my mind.

Actually, it's not just hearing, though. I am hypersensitive. I've been like that as long as I can remember.

If something is itchy, like a sweater or a tag, nothing else exists for me until I get rid of the offending article. If somebody looks at me the wrong way, I get a rash. (Seriously. When my father was dying, I had a huge rash all over my chest. It disappeared a few months after he died. This is just one of many examples.)

I've always been a crier. And not just the obvious stuff that most children cry during (like "Charlotte's Web). I used to cry during that one Dr. Seuss movie where the fuzzy creature has to leave his tree because of urban sprawl.

I still cry sometimes, when I hear stories about war on the news, which is why I don't listen to the news very much.

I used to think of myself as an inside-out person. I felt as if my skin, the protective coating, were on the inside where it did no good, and my heart and guts were just on the outside, getting battered by everything.

I really don't know if this post has a purpose. Is anyone out there like this? Any other highly-porous people out there?

And, my apologies for the self-indulgent post.

Eulogy for Banjo

2009-01-09T10:35:00.001-07:00

To truly appreciate this eulogy, a little background is in order.

A little over 5 years ago, we made the acquaintance of a remarkable cat named Banjo.

At first, we thought he was an abandoned cat. Note that in the side bar picture, he's depressed and not really his usual chipper self.

He was depressed, we found out later, because his owner was traveling. She had left him with a neighbor, but he got wanderlust.

So, Banjo started hanging around our art gallery. He enjoyed coming and going as he pleased. Many other merchants on Main Street opened their doors to Banjo from time to time, but we were his primary hangout.

He was very friendly, and even had write-ups about him in the local paper. He became famous as the C.A.T. (cat about town).

He saw me through having my appendix taken out, and quitting smoking. He saw me thin (as in side-bar picture), and he saw me fat (I don't have pictures). He did yoga poses with me. He was the one creature I met who was utterly himself.

He used to cross the street like a maniac, and I thought it was only a matter of time before he was struck by a car. So, I was relieved when his owner finally returned (after years of travel) a couple of years ago and took him back, to a ranch outside of town. I missed him, but thought he'd have a better life than as a "townie". And, his owner kindly gave us pictures of him, looking beautiful, healthy and fit.

I ran into her on the trail today, on my way into town, and asked her how Banjo was. And I knew, from the look on her face, that he was gone. She explained that he had simply gotten sick, crawled off to be alone (as cats are wont to do), and died.

So, to my accepting friend, I'm sorry I didn't get to see you before you died. You are missed.

Outside my Comfort Zone

2009-01-08T21:32:00.000-07:00

I read a helpful blog-post today: Life always changes: a lesson my dogs taught me

Please read the post, I'll wait...

Anyway, this post made me think about how difficult it often is for me to motivate myself to work outside of my own comfort zone, and yet how much I grow and change when I'm actually able to do it.

One example is my (almost) daily 3.5 mile trek into town. The first time I ran a significant portion of that (significant for me being maybe half a mile) without stopping, my legs were wobbly and I thought my lungs would explode. But the next day was so much easier (plus I knew I wouldn't drop dead).

Meditation is like that for me too. To sit down for 15 minutes twice a day and breathe--it seemed ridiculous. Useless, even!

But, persisting through the mind-chatter (What are you doing? What good is this? You should get up right now and add almonds to the grocery list before you forget!) has paid off in terms of clarity, focus and a small measure of inner peace.

As a matter of fact, reading "Life always changes..." is what inspired me to write my own post today. This exercise of a daily post is definitely outside my comfort zone. But, like so many other endeavors in my life, I know if I dance on my edge wisely, pushing just enough (but not too much), I will grow and change because of blogging, too.

As always, comments are welcome. But mostly, I'd like to encourage anyone reading this to judiciously push your limits, even if (no, especially if) you don't feel like it.

Oh No! Not Another Post About New Year's Resolutions...

2009-01-07T19:47:00.000-07:00

...Actually not (I can hear your enormous sigh of relief-all 2 of you).

I don't make New Year's Resolutions. But what I do make are contracts with myself.

And shortly before the start of the year, I made a contract with myself that I would try my hand at blogging. And that I would do my best to post everyday.

I've been trying to find other relevant blogs to comment on, etc., instead of just having this be an online journal (which it mostly is, comments on other blogs, etc., notwithstanding).

But today, I don't have much to say. Or rather, I think it's actually the opposite problem. I've read a lot of interesting things and have a million ideas chasing each other in my fevered brain. But nothing much is fully cooked.

So anyway, if anyone is reading this, I am fulfilling my contract with myself.

Actually, come to think of it, exercise is sometimes like this too. I love to hit the trail near my house and walk/jog/run (gotta walk/jog in the snow, but run otherwise) 3.5 miles, most of the time. But some days, I just don't want to. It's cold, or I'm tired, or, or, or...

But without fail, if I keep my contract with myself, and get out there anyway, I always feel good when I'm finished. Even if I have to shuffle. Like I'm doing through this post.

How about you? Do you make contracts with yourself? How important is it to you to keep them?

Your comments are most welcome.

"Is Being Healthy a Vain Pursuit?"

2009-01-06T11:34:00.000-07:00

Today, I came across a blog post called, "Is Being Healthy a Vain Pursuit?", from the website Modern Forager . This topic interests me because of some experiences I've been going through in my own life, and I found the post to be pretty on target, so I decided to write my own post today about this.

To provide a little context, (summing up and paraphrasing) a reader of Modern Forager writes in who has been asked by someone, "What's the point of pursuing healthy nutrition, exercise, etc.? Life is short, and it seems like a pain in the butt." Which causes said reader to wonder if his own attention to such matters is nothing but vanity.

Although, said reader does bring up the following, "I could tell him about health, wakefulness, longevity, feeling good looking good....", at least some of which are not all about vanity (especially wakefulness).

Said reader also goes on to say, "...I am not knocking health and fitness in any way. I am simply questioning the overall philosophy."

To which I say, good for him! I think it's wonderful to question, especially if what we are questioning is one of our own biases and/or assumptions.

Scott Kustes, the author of this post, replies (in part): "Can one pursue health and fitness in a way that is vain? AB-SO-LUTE-LY! It does no one any good for those of us that are in shape to look down our noses at the unwashed masses. Just because you have a six-pack doesn’t make you a better person...(emphasis mine).

I think this is the problem that a lot of people who eschew physical fitness have with "fitness fanatics". I know that while I lived exclusively in my head (which was for most of my adult life) and eschewed physical activity (which was for most of my adult life and a large chunk of my childhood), I felt this way about people into fitness/nutrition.

Scott Kustes also says, "Just because you don’t eat French fries doesn’t mean you should wave your salad in someone’s face or make comments about how you don’t understand how they can eat such things. The goal should be to help those that want help and leave the others alone. Don’t interject your opinions when they aren’t asked for, lest you want to be dubbed a zealot and elitist.(Emphasis mine.)

Another excellent point, and one that applies not just to fitness, but to everything. Just as there are "fitness zealots", there are so many other kinds of zealot. I myself have been known to be somewhat of a "spiritual zealot" and also an "intellectual zealot" during certain periods of my misguided youth (or maybe last week).

And finally, Scott goes on to say, "So is it wrong to seek health and fitness, to seek looking good? Not necessarily. You can be an arsehole about it to everyone you meet and you’ll come across as vain. Or you can live your life and let others live theirs, helping those that seek your help and leaving the rest alone."(Emphasis mine.)

Again, wise advise for all our endeavors, not just fitness.

So, why am I going on and on about this on a blog that I claim is about me finding my own truth?

The biggest reason is that for me, becoming grounded in my own physical body was the latest missing piece of my own spiritual puzzle. For a long time, I looked down my nose on people who were "preoccupied" with fitness, judging them to be "shallow". And, some fitness buffs probably are.

But, when I started getting out there on the trail, walking, then jogging, then even running, I discovered that it didn't just change my physical fitness, it changed my life.

At first, I was tempted to attribute these life changes to being out in nature. And I do think that has more than a little to do with it (much better than working out in a gym, me thinks).

But, upon further reflection, I realized that I am a whole human being, not a collection of separate parts.

So, even if the motivation for me becoming more fit was initially mostly about vanity (I admit it!), it yielded me so much more.

It helped me become more independent, more self-reliant and more even-tempered. More energetic, and at the same time, more focused and calm. All of which helps me in all my pursuits, from the pragmatic to the "spiritual" (although I'm not sure the 2 are as separate as I've usually thought they were). And that is hardly the fruit of a "vain pursuit".

What do you think? Is pursuing fitness a vain pursuit? Or, at what point does it become a vain pursuit, or obsession?

My Inner Tussle, Re: NLP

2009-01-04T10:36:00.000-07:00

For those of you following this blog (I don't actually think there is anyone following this blog yet, though I know there have been some visitors), you'll notice that I am constantly changing the way I do things. My intention in writing a blog is simply to explore myself, and also to explore the blogosphere. (I'm thinking about starting a blog in conjunction with our, meaning my husband and myself, professional website, but I want to have a better grip on blogging myself before I undertake it in any kind of "serious" way.)

So anyway, all the side bar stuff, and the images, and the anytime links, and the links of the day (which you can get a sense of by combing through the archives if you really feel like it) seemed to lack purpose, so I've gotten rid of it.

I still like the idea of only showing one daily post. This keeps things current and fresh.

And, in the spirit of that, I've decided that it would be more "real" to post whatever was "on my mind", embedding links when needed. So, that is what I'm doing.

Today, I read this post, which is about neuro-linguistic programming (NLP).

I have mixed feelings about NLP. On the one hand, we are all conditioned (on my best days, I am perhaps a notch above Pavlov's dog). So, doesn't it make sense to make our conditioning work for us rather than against us?

On the other hand, isn't this just a gigantic cop-out for avoiding becoming more conscious in the first place?

Really, I go back and forth about this. I know that my negative self-talk doesn't get me anywhere. And yes, a lot of this negative "sound-track" is probably playing subconsciously. But, isn't it possible to become aware of it? I'm not talking about the slow, laborious, and limited approach of psychotherapy, or "dredging up" the past. I mean, is it not possible to hear these negative tapes, etc., while they are playing? And, rather than reprogramming them, look into them? And in the meantime, becoming more & more conscious, until we are so aware of our programming that it no longer runs our lives?

I would really appreciate any and all feedback. What do you think about NLP vs. making efforts to attain more awareness, alertness, presence and a higher state of consciousness? Are NLP and these loftier aims mutually exclusive?

Not Fighting Life (or, Change I Can Really Believe In)

2008-12-28T11:51:00.000-07:00

I've reached this point in my life where change seems to just happen. Which is an illusion, because I've actually laid the groundwork for it. Or, maybe I've been led, and the groundwork has been laid. Let me explain.

The most recent example of this is the fact that we moved from in town to just outside of town. This happened in July. So, I decided it would be good for me to walk into town, where I work (about 3.5 miles). After hoofing it awhile, I started jogging, then running portions. It happened on its own.

Then, in November, during the first serious cold weather (we live in Carbondale, Colorado), my car started to spew sweet smelling smoke. To make a long story a little shorter, my used car would have taken at least a couple thousand to repair. So, I donated it to charity. That means these days, hoofing it to work is less of a choice, and more of a necessity.

Now the snow is deep, and it is COLD, many mornings (yesterday, it was frost on my eyelashes cold). But, I've got my high boots, and I've got my Yak Trax (these nifty things you put on the bottom of your footwear to keep you from slipping on the ice), and I'm just fine.

Most of my life, I haven't been much into exercise, fitness or the great outdoors. But now I'm into all these things, and it has led me to deeper places. I'm developing more independence, more self-reliance, more toughness (in a good way) and more will. More confidence, more connection, more stillness and more strength. I credit this in part to not resisting life. If and when I need a car, it will find me.

And all this change was not forced, it flowed. So, that's the kind of change I can truly believe it.

My First Post, My First Blog

2008-12-27T12:28:00.000-07:00

Hello all,

This is a work in progress. I'll refine things as I go along.

Why the blog title? Well firstly, several of my other choices weren't available (Ruth truth, truth of Ruth, etc.)

By why not try Truth (emphasis capital T)?

Although I believe that truth is relative (at least for me, at my level, if not all truth), there are the little "t" truths and the big "T" truths.

An example: This morning, around 6, I heard that hundreds of Palestinians died in an Israeli attack (or counter-attack, but I didn't want all the details, so I stopped listening). Rather upset and distressed, I put on some New-Agey music and walked into the kitchen. I looked out the front window and saw that the sky was incredibly clear and full of the brightest stars. So, I gingerly walked onto the front porch (avoiding the snow drifts), and looked up. In that instant, I experienced a flash of Truth. Then, I heard traffic on the not too far away highway. That immersed me in little "t" truth (our home is close to the highway, I wish it were set back more, etc., etc.)

So, I'm sure if I keep up with this blog, it will continually morph, but for now, I will try for Truth.

Oh, and also, Truth rhymes with Ruth :-)